Do you catch yourself feeling blue and at times don’t know the reason? Are you feeling unmotivated or lacking the energy to complete your goals? Would you label yourself as a ‘people pleaser’ because you recently discovered you say “Yes” to things you would rather say “no” to or at least find the courage to say “let me think about it”?
Too often we live life on autopilot, stay stuck in our patterns or routinely repeat the same “mistakes”. We want to change, but feel discouraged with the task at hand and rather live a less than fulfilling life. We stay in an unhealthy relationship, or continue to work at the job that drains our life energy or never find the courage to move forward with our business idea. Whatever it is, living small and not taking charge on one’s life breeds negativity and feelings of hopelessness which can turn into depression and/or many other physical tensions, illnesses and/or serious diseases.
I’m here to say, along with many self-development guru’s, that whatever challenge you have in front of you is actually a gift. Yes, you read right… a gift. Our unpleasant life experiences are opportunities for us to redefine who we are and a chance to make different choices in order to live a more enjoyable life.
Everyday we have a choice and sometimes all we need to get us going in the right direction is a dose of self-awareness.
“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” ~ C.G. Jung
I remember far too well one of my first “self-awareness” instances. It was the time in my life where I discovered that I was a “people pleaser”. I was in class listening to my teacher Rudi as he talked about different personality types and the expression “people pleaser” popped up. I had never heard that term before, but for some reason my teacher captivated my attention. He proceeded with his explanation of this personality type and OMG, I saw myself playing that role, BIG TIME! A people pleaser is someone that believes that in order to be liked, loved and accepted, they need to be the person others want them to be. Doing and saying what others want instead of doing and saying what is best for them. For me, being a people pleaser lead me to live a very unhealthy lifestyle and forgetting all together that I was a person who had desires, opinions, boundaries, values and dreams.
That dose of self-awareness shook me to the core! Day after day this awareness kicked in, I was noticing how much I complied, how I suppressed my true nature, how I kept my opinion to myself to avoid conflict. Then I started noticing when and with who I would fall in the people pleaser trap. To my dismay, there were just too many instances of me pleasing to not do something about it. It wasn’t easy to change my pattern of pleasing, but I knew at my core this role I was playing was not healthy. I had a quiet depression going on, I had bouts of impatience and my self-esteem was close to rock bottom. However, with my self-awareness came the desire to speak my mind. Then the courage to speak with people I felt safe with and then eventually with most of the people. It was a tough hurdle to overcome, but believing that I had the right to speak and do what’s best for me was the best gift I could have given to myself and to others. Because with my new non-people pleaser experiences I grew more confident, developed greater self-respect and then more genuine relationships and the benefits of just that, go on and on and on.
I later discovered that my people pleaser pattern was something I’ve been carrying since childhood. As a child, I learned that if I did what others wanted, that‘s when I would receive love, praise and feel good about who I was. Now I could go in greater details to paint my whole childhood circumstances and you could all see it made a lot of sense, but I’ll reserve that for my book. The point is, childhood belief systems affect us as adults and sometimes we don’t even see it. To get out of that trap, you are best to increase your self–awareness.
How would I apply self-awareness?
Self-awareness is the first pillar of the ‘Model to Your Authentic Self’ and it’s all about getting real with oneself. Self-awareness is becoming more present and looking at what’s not working in your life and how it’s affecting you emotionally, physically and spiritually. It’s also asking why things aren’t working out while avoiding at all cost to blame others because taking charge of one’s life, is about asking yourself what you could be doing differently, instead of blaming outside circumstances.
I must warn you that increasing your self-awareness at first may not be pleasant at first and you must at all cost avoid self-judgments. Instead, be grateful that you are becoming aware and also stepping onto the path of empowerment. Because as you make small changes within yourself, your life circumstances will also start changing for the better… guaranteed! So take it easy and work on one thing to start.
I’ll admit it; I’m a self-improvement junkie! I’ve faced so many aspects of myself, let go of so many things that stopped me from improving myself and learned to love and accept myself for who I am, which has given me the freedom to be who I am!
“Self-awareness gives us ultimate human freedom” ~ Stephen Covey
I’ve studied human behaviour, different personality types, I’ve discovered how to manage emotions and share empowering tools and strategies with my clients. I have a passion to help others get rid of their junk (fears, limiting beliefs systems, self-judgments) in order for them to live a more uplifting and fulfilling life. I would be honoured to assist you especially if you relate to this blog.
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If you want to know more about how we can work together, schedule yourself a free phone discovery session and/or attend one of my workshops http://richertransformations.ca/events/
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